She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
