you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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