Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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