shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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