If i could tip my vagina, i would.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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