Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
