I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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