he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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