I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
