the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Bring me that man meat
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
