Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
