Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
