3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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