see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize