so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
my shit smells like andre
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
