Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
