she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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