Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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