I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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