My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
