I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
