Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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