i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
