Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
