i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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