i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
It's blow job season.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
