Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
