We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize