i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
