Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
