i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
