At least make sure they are 18
Why
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
