After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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