hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Randomize
