In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
