I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
