I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
