one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
