I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
