I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
