I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
