Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
