My girlfriend figured out who you are.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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