respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
