Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
