I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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