clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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