my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
