We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I've blown a few things in my day
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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