Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
