He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
