booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
