I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
