Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?