He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
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you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
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She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here