i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
