Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
