I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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