My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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