now i know why i became what i already was.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
