my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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